Saturday, 10 September 2011

Underground

From a rat’s perspective:

Grey slabs of brick entered my view. It had always been that way ever since I could remember. Even the slightest sliver shined momentarily. Until the darkness gobbled it up. You may call us filth that lives in filth itself. Not that you’d see it for yourself. Kekeke!!! Feeding time! Squeak! Squeak!
Food itself wasn’t a matter. Those humans supplied them every day. Want to guess? Rubbish! They can’t help but tip out a few dozen rubbish carts. And when they’re all swept along, they reach us here. Not that I don’t mind. In fact I’m grateful to the humans. There’s so much to last us a lifetime: no an eternity.
My mate; Rica and I jumped headfirst into the mountain of rubbish. All of a sudden the tiles of the ceiling loosened. A second later the ceiling roared like thunder. BOOM!! The entire ceiling collapsed. On top of our food. All gone. Buried. All our hard work washed away in 1 second. There might be some food we could salvage I said to rica. Let’s go. I thought that something was amiss. The ceiling was strong unless someone deliberately made it collapse. Most of the rats had gathered around the heap of tiles, bricks and flashing clothes. Wait; clothes? No, they wouldn’t dare come here. Would they? Without any warning it began to shake uncontrollably.
Run! My brain shouted out. It’s a good thing I did. Piles and bricks burst to reveal a six foot tall she monster. Ragged hair, bloodshot eyes and blood dripping from her face. It was a sight from hell.
She was probably a teenager; and unconscious at that. Too bad for her. Our food is no more. She’ll do perfectly for a substitute. She’ll probably live for 3-4 more days or so. Then I will eat my fill ….. I prefer the eyeballs. I left the scene of dismay. The last thing I saw was the girl. Then she was engulfed in the never ending tunnels.

From a girl’s perspective:
I’m 14. Just your average teenage girl. Nothing special. I have a normal family; if you call them that. So why am I retracing my steps. When I should be going home. Home….. once that word would have made me jump for joy. Home was supposed to be a place where you can return to. Recently it has turned into a place where my mum and dad can scream of each other’s ear 24/7. Who knows, a divorce might come next week. But I won’t be there.
I’ve made up my mind. All the plans were set. I just had to carry them out. There’s no use living anyway. It all happened last year.
Last year. It feels like a decade has passed. Dad, mum and me. Dad might not be rich but we were a happy and loving family. Unexpectedly Dad got a promotion and we moved to America! It was hard getting used to a new life. But we coped.
Dad couldn’t handle it. Eventually he made a fabulous entrance on the newspaper. For assaulting his boss. And thus there ended my rosy high school life. Dad was unemployed so mum ended up supporting the family. School turned into a nightmare. I was labeled as the daughter of a freak. Soon teasing morphed to bullying. Bullying to torture. I can’t even tell the difference.
That was my life. Mum and dad are literally biting off their heads. There’s nothing I can do. Not anymore. No one can help me. Because I’m done for.
I was sure I checked that everything was in place. Tomorrow the school would have a wonderful surprise indeed. Most of them wouldn’t even bother being sad to see mee go! The light changed. I moved. Maybe if I had considered where I was going then I might have had a flashier way to go. All I could see in front of me were white and black stripes that resembled a zebra. Or was it red and black. I don’t remember. But I kept on going onwards. Now that I think about I could hear people shouting in the background. Shouting warnings. Warnings about the construction site. I didn’t bother. I treated them like an annoying fly.
I do remember distinctly what happened afterwards. For a second my foot seemed to hover in the air. The road abruptly shined like coals in my eyes. A huge shadow loomed over me. It threatened to crush me if I didn’t move. I still could hear someone shouting to move out of the way. I didn’t. Perhaps this would be a nice way to go. From this forsaken world that I’m living in.
I do remember how I died. I didn’t move. 8 metric tons of metal fell from the sky. At that moment I thought I was watching a movie in slow motion. I waited for the impact and then I closed my eyes.
The last thing I saw was grey slabs of brick. They would probably stay that way forever. The last sliver of light was engulfed in the darkness. My eyes shut for the last time!


2 comments:

  1. Like your piece, my comments fall into two halves.

    I think your decision to approach the story from two different narrative perspectives is brave and bold and ambitious, and I am glad you did. However, I am not sure the rat narrative works nearly so well as the other one - whether it is because of the challenges of writing as an animal, or the frequent onomatopeia, I am not sure. Not a reason not to have done it; purely me saying how much stronger was the narrative of the girl. Although "I prefer the eyeballs" is perhaps still one of the strongest and most original lines on the blog so far!

    Which brings me on to the second narrative, which is good from the outset, and reaches a climax of brilliance in the final two paragraphs (apart from the final sentence, which is not necessary). You've demonstrated tremendous ambition and potential here, and I can't wait to read your next piece.

    Band 2

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  2. wow, really different... i like it :-) i like your use of words and your main idea, uhum nothing that i didnt like really, just maybe some '!' things in places that i didnt think you needed them .

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