romeos diary entry

XX/XX/ 14XX
Today was a magnificent day. I had just met an angel, one which clearly fell from the skies and gracefully landed on this unworthy soil. The first time we met it was like fate had meant for use to be together, for we had made a sonnet for the first time we met,” If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. Then have my lips the sin that they have took. Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged Give me my sin again”. That proves alone that this meeting was not pure coincidence. Even so, I may have been a little bit too forward with malady. As I thought maybe a different approach to Juliet needed to take place, after all she deserves better than woo I gave to Rosaline, because she is better than Rosaline. So I “watch(ed) her place of stand, and, touching hers, make(ade) blessed my rude hand”. Holding her hand without even asking her name may have been the result of me just being completely absorbed by her beauty, and not thinking about if this brave act would terrify her.

There’s also this feeling I get, this strange feelings that completely take over my body, and I think it might be from her. Could it be lust? I do remember vaguely saying “O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?” I couldn’t even control the words that came out of my mouth. I admit I see now my love for Rosaline was foolish, until Juliet “I ne'er saw true beauty till this night” she was a mere pebble compared to the planet of her beauty….her window “Is the east and Juliet is the sun” for she is the one who brings the sunshine to my life.
Before the party I was at the bottom of the pit of disparity. My friend Mercutio jested around me, and yet made no impact on my empty soul. When he asked me to dance I replied “you have dancing shoes with nimble soles: I have a soul of lead so stakes me to the ground I cannot move”. That was the outcome of the futile love for Rosaline; it’s almost laughable. I still remember the “sad hours” I spent wasting in my quarters “not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is; shut up in prison, kept without my food, whipp'd and tormented…” But all of that is in the past, Rosaline being nothing but a book in an empty library.
I worry though, is it mere infatuation that takes my mind? I’m but an adolescent drop in the sea of life. I do not know the feelings that rush into my head, “Love goes toward love”, and I am a “schoolboy” “running from their (my) books”. But alas she is yet again another Capulet, an enemy of mine, “my life is my foe's debt”,” Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health!” the world has yet again turned on its side, confusing it’s poor inhabitant…..me.